Crossroads

Trying to do anything is like dragging myself through tar today. I’m really trying to keep myself on this path, but the ‘pull’ of giving up/giving in is hard to combat. I know it’s probably about fear of change – in myself, in my MH care – but at times I feel like there’s things going on in my brain that I have no control over or insight into… like as much as I’m trying to move forward, there’s parts of me unwilling or unable, pushing ideation into my mind, flooding me with anxiety. M would say, my brain is trying desperately to preserve the safety of the status quo, and change comes after plenty of metaphorical kicking and screaming. I’m not sure how this will pan out, and it scares me. I’ve cried a lot the last couple of days, I’m feeling overwhelmed.

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