So I haven’t used this space for a long time. I guess I felt I didn’t have much to say… or the expanse of a blank screen was too overwhelming. But now, with therapy sadly coming to an end soon, I think I am finally ready to do what M* has consistently encouraged, and keep some kind of journal.
At the moment, I keep a mood diary for my psychiatrist, which charts mood daily from 0 (‘normal’) to -3 (severely depressed). It has some junk tying them to whether I’m ‘able to work’ but I always pointedly cross that part out. It also charts hours slept and anxiety & irritability 0-3. I’ve found it massively helpful, because I have the worst memory, and because I struggle to talk so anything that communicates for me during appointments is great.
I also try to keep a note of my week for my therapist, because before I did this I’d turn up, she’d ask how my week was and I’d struggle to remember anything from before the previous day. It started as a full-on exercise in documenting what I did for every hour of every day for a few weeks, but it proved so useful that I kept bringing a condensed version well after we were done with the exercise. Lately it’s been helpful in allowing me to reflect on any little achievements I’ve made during the week. I struggle to give myself credit for, well, anything, especially if anxiety is playing a part at the time, so going back over my week is something I feel like I’d like to continue even when I won’t be showing it to anybody.
All that said, I’ve become lazy at doing it as I go, and often have to comb back through my twitter feed & DMs to M from the last week to note it down.
So! I’m going to keep a journal. I’m not sure if I’ll try to use this blog, or an app (better mood charting but less flexible?) or actually buy a journal and use a pen, but I am. And I’m writing this in the hope that saying it will burn the idea into my brain… and just in case anyone who reads has thoughts on blogging vs app vs paper (please yell at me if you do 👍).
* M is my best friend, confidant, MH guide/mentor, pre-therapy therapist… you get the idea.